I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
