You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
