Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
