what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
