I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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