She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I love you. Go after that dick
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
