Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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