just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize