i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if only i could text you this smell
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you inspire me to be a worse person
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
