Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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