I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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