I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
