Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
