I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
