im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
