I want to stick my p in your. b.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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