everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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