Ambien. No doubt about it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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