That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
