it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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