My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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