I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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