You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
