dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We don't watch enough power rangers
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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