I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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