This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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