Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
