need another drink. this is the easiest way
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
