I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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