Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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