I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
