So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
