Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
