saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize