Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
