made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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