shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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