i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am spending my child support on dildos
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
