She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
