Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
