Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
