New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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