Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
