Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
did i just pee glitter
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
