I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
