You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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