Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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