So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Two words: blizzard sex
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
