In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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