I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
