Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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