very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize