ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're a waste of cheezeits
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
