Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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