My hair reeks of homosexuality.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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