Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
