I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
