She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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