I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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