I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize