and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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