she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it's great music for shaving your balls
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
