I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
