Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
