Her vagina should come with caution tape.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
